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According to an article in the UK’s Daily Mail, police discovered a woman’s frozen body in a home freezer. The body had been frozen for 30 years. The culprit? The woman’s now 83 year old spinster daughter, who didn’t want to alert the authorities because her mother was in the country illegally.

Actually. When you think about it. This isn’t a bad idea. The average cost of cryogenics is around $30,000. This seems like a much more affordable option.

Baby anteater!

asian ladies with boobs

VIA ffffound

The father of a 14 year old boy was arrested in England for taking his son to see a prostitute. Said father generously allowed his son to choose the girl of his dreams at the local red light district. Said son chose a woman who turned out to be an undercover officer. [nice work, kid.]

Judge decided not to send the father to prison due to his “excellent character.” The father said he did not realize he was doing any harm to his son.

VIA UPI

As an obsessive doodler constantly getting in trouble in meetings and classes for doodling, I read with much satisfaction an article in the UK Guardian — you know, the UK one, the smart one — quoting new studies that suggest doodling should be encouraged because it focuses one’s attention span.

I so feel like sending this article to my first boss out of college who reprimanded me for not paying attention. And my tenth grade math teacher who called me out in front of the whole class. Suck it, narrow-minded losers!

Now, the article does not go into doodling analysis. But friends have commented that they think it’s weird that my doodles aren’t so much “doodles” but “crazy scientist” rambles. I write the alphabet over. and over. and over. Which I don’t think is really strange. But apparently it’s a little disconcerting when they look over and see a whole page filled with tiny letters.

No. I am not a loony. Though I do think the world will end. Very soon.  We will be visited by our cosmic brethren. Who come declaring peace and offering unlimited powers. Until they take over our brain. Hail, superior beings.

Okay. Apologies for this post. I woke up thinking it was another year.

VIA UK Guardian

[I prefer to call it the “kiss my hinee” (H1N1) flu. Makes me feel bad-ass. You know. You take what you can get these days.]

Then play the SNEEZE game. Infect as many people as you can and you score!  Awesome.

Since they are unable to fit protective headgear over their turbans, Sikhs are prohibited from serving as Firearms Officers with the British police.  Researchers are now trying to devise bulletproof turbans to allow Sikhs to serve.

I predict that the bulletproof turban will be the must-have fashion accessory of 2011. Orders yours now!

VIA Jezebel VIA Times of India

Do all dogs go to heaven?

The debate is raging between two churches…

dogs heaven

VIA Evil Beet

Why not talk MY LITTLE PONY!

This woman…

smurfette

And now I can!  With the Smurfette make-up line courtesy of Too-Faced.

There’s the So Smurfy Eye Shadow Collection…

smurfette 2

And the So Smurfy Illumination Powder…

smurfette 3

And many more products to help one achieve his (or her) fantasy of looking like the Paris Hilton of the Smurf world.

But before you get too excited. You might want to hear about a story I learned back in high school that makes you rethink these cute cuddly color-challenged people…

As a young lass, I learned the “true” origins of the Smurfs. However, I’ve been unable to find any corroboration, or even any written confirmation, that this story, even in legend form, exists. But whaddahell. I’ll tell the story anyways.

According to “the legend,” the Smurfs first appeared sometime during the 14th century. The Black Plague was spreading through Europe, and many people believed that the Plague was either God’s punishment or the Devil’s work.

At the same time, young children were disappearing from small Bavarian villages. Their bodies were found days later. They had turned blue.

The people of these villages believed the disappearances of their children were just one more curse that the Devil had put upon them. To ward off evil spirits, they carved little statues, painted them blue, and hung them in their windows. Thus creating the first image of the Smurf.

When in “reality,” the children’s disappearances were the result of Alchemy fever. Alchemy is the belief that one could transform one substance into another for the purposes of obtaining everlasting life and wealth.

A few Alchemists, desperate to find the “perfect” substance, hypothesized that the blood of young children carried powerful properties. These Alchemists kidnapped young children in the middle of the night. Hung them upside down along rafters. And drilled holes through their heads, draining all of their blood. The corpses “turned blue.”

Once they obtained the blood they needed, they discarded the bodies.

Creepy.

So. Think of that story while watching this… oh, and have a nice day!

Currently Reading…

The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood

Currently Loving…

Twitter; Masala Chai

Currently Hating…

Being sick