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… certainly were.

Researchers confirm that real-life hobbits roamed the earth as recently as 12,ooo years ago. These hobbits were

An ancient race of miniature human cousins, nicknamed hobbits because they stood 3ft tall, also sported oversized feet, which could settle a bitter dispute about its identity.

Frodo! Bilbao Baggins! Sam! Oh my!

I want my own Hobbit. Can we please bring them back to life?

VIA The Times

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Keeping up with the Mother’s Day theme from the last post. Check out this BBC news article about a 45-year old Japanese mother out to beat George Foreman’s record as the oldest boxer to win a world title. She only turned pro last year but has a real shot at the title. She trains full time while raising two daughters.

That’s one cool tough mom.

Two “physicists” — and I use the mocking quotes because I can’t seem to find where they teach or do research — have published an academic paper where they make this earth-shattering revelation… vampires do not exist!

Their paper, entitled “Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality,” begins with the assumption that the first vampire came about sometime in the year 1600. Based on a moderate rate of infection,the physicists calculate that the entire human race would have been infected or wiped out by the year 1602.

Wow.

So that does it. I want my money back. TWILIGHT! You tricked me.

twilight1

VIA io9

From Cracked.com, “7 Clearly Fake News Stories That Fooled The Mainstream Media.”  Some of my favorites…

1) “Thirteen-Year-Old Uses His Dad’s Credit Card to Buy Two Halo-Playing Hookers”

[reported news] A boy in Texas stole his father’s identity, obtained a credit card, and took his friends on a whirlwind-shopping spree of video games, electronic gadgets and two $1,000-an-hour hookers. It might not have been enough to hook the media if it weren’t for an additional to-good-to-be-true detail: he didn’t hire them for a night of wild sex. He only needed someone to play some Halo with him.

[the truth] Internet marketer and writer Lyndon Anticliff dreamed up the whole story as part of a ploy to get some quick hits to his site, which according to Wired garnered him roughly 6,000 links.

2) “Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring Fight”

[reported news] The title says it all.

[the truth] This was a fake BBC News story about 42 midgets being severely mutilated while competing under the “Cambodian Midget Fighting League.” We would point out to any professional journalists reading this the tried and true Cracked.com rule of journalism: Any story involving at least 40 midgets is bound to be too good to be true… A couple of friends got into a discussion over whether or not a group of 40 unarmed midgets could use the power of teamwork to defeat a fully-grown African lion. The discussion became so heated that the friend on the “pro-lion” side of the argument created a fake webpage.

Perhaps the newsgivers of our day just can’t handle the truth. But I turn to the expert to say it best…

Note. The hubs can repeat this speech verbatim. Over. And over. He’s a big Aaron Sorkin fan.

In an interview with PLAYBOY magazine, Shia “BABY FACE” LaBeouf has these fighting words to say…

Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.

Okay. Let’s give BABY FACE the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he meant that his mother is the only… wait. Drawing a blank here. What the fuck?

Oh Shia. Come back from the dark side. Success and fame are playing with your head. You need some better role models in your life. I suggest you turn to your co-star. Optimus Prime will know what to do. Here are some OP kernels of wisdom. Soak, my young friend. And learn…

Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.

Sometimes even the wisest of men and machines can be in error.

We can’t deal with human beings as we do with Decepticons.

Prime: Your pumping days are over, Megatron!
Megatron: I’ll see you on the scrap pile first, Optimus Prime!

Hang on to your dreams, Chip. The future is built on dreams. Hang on.

Torture isn’t sport, but I accept your challenge.

Megatron: Humans don’t deserve to live.
Prime: They deserve to choose for themselves.

That does not satisfy my logic circuits.

Really. Can he be our next president? POTUS Prime. Has a nice ring to it.

primethumbsup

Currently Reading…

The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood

Currently Loving…

Twitter; Masala Chai

Currently Hating…

Being sick

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